It gets better...

[holzman_tweed]

Following up my last post,

"Here, sir, is a description of the document, or in any case certain particulars thereunto,"  say they.
"That is all well and good, but I must have the actual document," say I.
"What, they require you to reproduce the very document in exactitude?"
"I fear, as I have said a thousand times I am sure, that this is a hallmark of audits."
"Well, sir, I commisserate with you, for it strikes me that your superiors do not trust your word very much at all."
"They trust it in the extreme, sir.  It is my memory they do not trust, and with good reason."
"Then they hide it with undue diligence."
"Perhaps, but with reason..."
"I pray you tell me."
"Sparing your interruption, I shall begin:  They will believe me today, but in a year or two when the audit is performed again, my successor in this post will review the reports and workpapers and other such instruments as I develop."
"That is only reasonable.  I pray your pardon for interrupting, but I am so overcome I could not contain myself."
"To continue, if they are not in good order in every particular, they will not understand the chain of reasoning I use to come to my conclusions.  Consequently, they will curse me for a fool and a lackwit, and my reputation will be ruined.  As you can well perceive in my line of work, one's reputation is vital."
"The nerve of them!  How dare they?  Could they possibly do such a thing?"
"Indeed, Sir, I assure you:  Much in the way I curse the name of the lackwit who performed this audit for you last year."
"You have my sympathy sir, for Auditors seem a strict and humorless bunch."
"We are indeed strict, and our humor can escape many.  And yet..."
"Yes?"
"They would have a point."
"Ah."
"Thus, I need the full document, not merely a description of some of the particulars thereunto."
"Shall I give it to you then?"
I rolling eyes heavenward. "And truly, this never ends!"[1]



[1] OK, this breaks the pattern, but it's a shoutout to those of my college-folk who recall Prof. Harold Wright's <i>Ogata Gomi</i>.  Come to think of it, I could write up many audits in that style as well...

Comments

[rmjwell.livejournal.com]

Sir Paarfi of Roundwood could not have offered a more eloquent and concise description. Pray, sir, should you have need to propound further upon the detailed necessities of thy auditors trade, I hope it is with equal parts elan, wit and lartitude (if the latter is a word and if it is not, hrewith, i declare: it should be).