A puzzlement.

[holzman_tweed]

Every so often, jadegirl tells me that someone has been telling her that she should "stand up" to me and demand that I meet her needs.

I ask what needs she feels are going unmet, and she tells me she doesn't even feel any wants are going unmet.

I ask what needs these people feel are going unmet, and she tells me that they can't cite any specifics.

It is very strange.

That state where needs and wants are met is one I specificly try to maintain. Partially because that's what it means that I love her, partially because people in good health work better than people who aren't.

Comments

[jadegirl.livejournal.com]

Of course, this - That state where needs and wants are met is one I specificly try to maintain. Partially because that's what it means that I love her, partially because people in good health work better than people who aren't. gives my guilt issues a whole lot of ammunition to use against me, partly because I've read to many bad webpages, and partly because I feel you don't think of yourself enough.

But you know, Sir, I think it all comes down to one simple thing - we're both very laid back people, very easy to please. We don't need or want much, so it's quite easy for us to be satisfied with each other. While I sometimes wish you wanted more/better from me, I can live with what we've got.

Bah. What do they know, anyway?

( Read Comments )

[blackthornglade.livejournal.com]

Well, they're telling her that because *obviously* her needs can't be met because Real Women (tm) are liberated women who either a) don't need men in their lives or b) would *never* consider having a power imbalance in their lives that didn't favor them.

This is something that you, as a Patriarchal Oppressor Just Can't Understand. It's a girl thang.

*coffs* (I'm impressed. I nearly said all that with a straight face.)

[supergee.livejournal.com]

It's not necessarily totalitarian feminism. It could be any form of worship of the One Right Way.

[blackthornglade.livejournal.com]

True. I just tend to run into that particular argument a *whole* lot when it comes out that I'm not particularly living up to their ideals. It gets old quickly.

Funny, I always thought feminism was about the right for me to choose the way I wanted to live...not to have to march in lockstep with all the other individualists conforming to the party line. *grins* But I've always been rather difficult to deal with.

[holzman.livejournal.com]

I wonder why they never come out and say that, then?

[blackthornglade.livejournal.com]

I wonder why they never come out and say that, then?

Probably for the same reason my mother kept telling me that I didn't have to marry my ex-husband and that I was able to make up my own mind. They don't always understand the dynamic involved and aren't sure how to approach it.

[jadegirl.livejournal.com]

I had thought the same thing as you, but on further questioning, I am somewhat shamed to admit (because the person in question is my own mother) that it's about *stuff*. Snowboots, vacuum cleaner attachments, clothes. Stuff. *facepalms* Apparently, I need to tell them man who is giving me a *spinning wheel* to buy me more stuff.

I don't suppose I can suddenly start spreading the idea that I was abandoned on her doorstep by a traveling circus act, can I?

[blackthornglade.livejournal.com]

I had thought the same thing as you, but on further questioning, I am somewhat shamed to admit (because the person in question is my own mother) that it's about *stuff*. Snowboots, vacuum cleaner attachments, clothes. Stuff. *facepalms* Apparently, I need to tell them man who is giving me a *spinning wheel* to buy me more stuff.

*chuckles* Not so bad, then. I think I may have cured my own mother of this by horrifying her when I moved about 7 weeks ago. They kept buying me more and more stuff. Then they had to help me move it from a three bedroom house to a one bedroom apartment. She kept telling me that I wasn't going to be able to fit it all in the apartment, but when I tried to give it away, she was horrified (she grew up in the depression and she still can't quite part with things). She suddenly came to the realization that I had enough stuff. :)

I don't suppose I can suddenly start spreading the idea that I was abandoned on her doorstep by a traveling circus act, can I?

Well, it's one possibility. *grin* The other is that you're adopted or from a family of aliens.