The full letter

[holzman_tweed]

George Bush
41st President of the United States

April 11, 2003

Daniel Holzman


Dear Friend

At this point, I’m checking to make sure the letter was addressed properly. I once knew a distant, poor cousin of President Bush’s, but she never hooked me up like this.

It is with pride that Barbara and I invite you to support our Republican Party by attending The President’s Dinner in Washington, D.C. on Wednesday, May 21, 2003.

Because you are a valued friend and supporter of the President and our entire family,

I’m checking the address again, and wondering if perhaps he means my Evil Twin Skippy. I’m also starting to wonder what mailing list I could possibly be on that they thought I was their target audience.

I have enclosed your personal invitation to this very special event.

If at all possible, please accept this invitation so you can be in the nation’s capital with leading Republicans and the Republican Members of the U.S. Senate and U.S. House of Representatives, to help us make this event a memorable one for our President.

I have no joke; I just like saying “Republican Members.”

Understand the pitch, though – for the low, low price of $2,500, I have the opportunity to spend an evening chatting with Senators, Representatives, and possibly even the President. While we chat, they’ll encourage me to make a larger donation while I encourage them to focus their time and votes on issues of importance to me.

In other words, I can pay for the opportunity to be solicited for a larger bribe.

Republican partisans reading may rest easy: I realize that the Democrats play exactly the same game. I’m just illustrating how seriously we should take complaints that Clinton let people sleep in the Lincoln bedroom, or that these clowns represent anyone but the wealthy.

For almost three decades, Party loyalists like you have come together from all across the nation to pay tribute to our Republican President and First Lady at The President’s Dinner.

30 years of Republican Party loyalists like me? One wonders at the cleaning bill for getting that much egg out of that many tuxedos.

Unfortunately, the timing of this invitation is less than perfect, given that we are a nation at war. I feel strongly that all Americans should pull together to support our troops.

Just so long as they don’t let it get in the way of getting us our kickbacks.

However, it’s also important we continue to promote the President’s compassionate conservative agenda here at home.

Especially since we’re about to need something to distract the voters away from what a hash-up he’s making of Iraq.

Our President is committed to creating jobs and strengthening our economy, improving education and reforming Medicare for every American.

And if he can twist any other motivations around to peddle as a reason to lower the taxes of people who can afford $2,500 for the privilege of being hit up for a larger bribe over dinner, he’ll commit to that, too.

In some ways, I believe The President’s Dinner this year is more significant than ever before

After all the money we had to raise for the lawyers to help us get away with our shenanigans in the first election, we figure we need even more now, because 2004’s gonna make 2000 look like a clean election.

We are honoring George W. Bush for

Being a good face man

the focus, clarity of purpose and sense of duty that Americans have come to know and admire.

The President’s Dinner will also serve as this year’s most important event to help raise the political warchest our Party needs for the 2004 Congressional campaigns. The dollars raised will protect and increase our Republican majorities in both the U.S. Senate and House, which are essential to keeping our President’s bold agenda on track.

Last November’s historic Congressional victories were a testament to the trust voters put in the President. Now, it’s critical we build on the momentum of the last elections to ensure

The voters don’t realize what they did.

we protect our Republican Congressional Majority in what are already shaping up to be some very tough 2004 campaigns.

In recent months, Democratic Congressional leaders have gone to extraordinary lengths to impede the President, stall his proposals for badly needed legislation and block several of his outstanding judicial nominees.

Of course, they’re pikers compared to what we pulled on Clinton, but if we keep jiggling the “terror alert” around, the voters won’t remember.

As we watch the Democrats, we must never lose sight of the fact that a switch of only a few seats in the U.S. Senate and the U.S. House of Representatives would restore them to power on Capitol Hill.

Your participation in the President’s Dinner will help make sure that does not happen.

We also need the money to pay the American Spectator for some more hack jobs.

However if you can’t make it to Washington, D.C to be part of this gathering, I hope you will

still pay us off

serve as an Honorary Co-Chairman of The Dinner and continue supporting out Party in protecting and expanding our critical majorities in the U.S. Senate and the U.S. House.

Though President George W. Bush has been in office only 26 months, I hope you will agree with me that he has earned a prominent place in our nation’s history as well as the people’s heart.

That’s for damn sure, but I wouldn’t be bragging about it.

Yet it is the president’s success in the months and years to come that will shape a new era of greatness for our nation – one in which we can live securely and prosperously

Today, our Party’s future success in keeping our nation on a winning course is tied directly t building on our past political victories and ensuring another Republican sweep of the Senate and House election contests in 2004. Please don’t let this invitation go unanswered.

Unfortunately, Barbara and I will be traveling overseas and not be able to attend this important dinner.

As his father, I think Junior’s already hit me up for enough money. Besides, if he tries to beat me up again, the Secret Service will get confused about who to protect.

But I know many of our Party leaders look forward to seeing you in Washington, D.C. on May 21, to thank you personally for your

money

friendship and support.

Thank you and may God bless America

Sincerely,

George Bush /s/
41st President of the United States

Comments

[vyoma.livejournal.com]

I think that if I were within a few feet of Dubya, I'd be compelled to pee on him. I mean that. I can't find a more appropriate act to express the "place in my heart" that I hold for this man.

Hey... wasn't there a Revolution a few years back over the issue of "taxation without representation"? Or was it just over the price of representation? Right, that was it. The founding fathers wanted to insure that minimum bribes would be kept under $3000.

Neo-patriots can kish mir lach.

[fifthconundrum.livejournal.com]

LOL! Love the commentary!